VOTE!!

I'm tired of seeing and hearing pseudo-celebrities telling me why I should vote for one of the Presidential candidates because said pseudo-celebrity has so much experience in the real world in which we all live, and they know best.

I'm tired of seeing and hearing political ads talking about how this candidate eats babies, or doesn't live locally, or beats old ladies, or kills kittens, or has a comb-over, or pisses on the graves of 18th century writers, or used medicine from Canada to treat a hangnail when he was 13, or frequently attends meetings to plan to melt glaciers in Iceland.

I'm tired of political support signs littering the on/offramps of every highway, byway, carriage access road and self-righteous homeowners' front lawns, flapping in the breeze like palsied meerkats.

I'm tired of news agencies conducting a new poll that supersedes the poll from two days ago, which replaces the poll from the day before, which negates the previous 81 polls.

I'm tired of turning on the radio or TV and hearing normally hysterical personalities blather on about the "issues" that face our country.

I'm tired of seeing online personal websites, blogs, moblogs, buddy icons, usegroups, chat rooms and IMs with one's personal choice digital banner for the very best man to lead this country.

I'm tired of complete strangers handing me flyers telling me to vote for a specific party, regardless of what it is.

I'm tired of the Reverend Al Sharpton.

I'm tired of seeing a split-screen with one candidate's gleaming spring-day smile on one side and the other candidate's retarded-at-birth scowl/grimmace/belch freeze frame with a dismal-sounding narrative explaining how the retarded candidate will drive the world into the horrid hell that we all deserve if we voted for him.

I'm tired of hearing what foreign land wants us to vote for what candidate, and the mandatory three-hour long analysis of how either outcome will affect our trade agreements and good-feelings with that wonderful foreign land.

I'm tired of seeing a candidate throw a football, eat a hamburger, kiss a child, pet a dog, attend a baseball game, laugh heartily at a very unfunny joke, give the thumbs-up, complete a 1000-piece puzzle with a 108 year old man, wash a neighbor's Mini Cooper, bake a gross of cookies, clean up the cat litter box or replace the front porch light for an invalid.

I'm tired of receiving phone calls informing me of the merits of a candidate's morals, financial prowess, religious affiliation, their stance on the migratory patterns of arctic terns or their wife's plans for saving each and every underprivileged child.

Please, just shut the fuck up and VOTE!!!

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I am Horatio, and I approve this blog.

Paid for by the Committee to Elect Horatio for Master of His Own Domain